According to the Buddha\u2019s model of the mind, psychological states fall into three categories: positive, negative, and neutral. Leaving aside the neutral, the positive states, which are at the core of our being, are necessarily the cause of own wellbeing and happiness and the basis of our capacity to benefit others. The negative, which are not at the core of our being and thus can be removed, are necessarily the cause of our unhappiness and the basis of our harming others.<\/p>\n
The key job, then, is to develop the skill to look inside, to be introspective, in a clear and disciplined way, so that we\u2019re qualified to do the actual job of changing our emotions, of distinguishing between the positive and negative. To become our own therapist, in other words, as Lama Yeshe puts it.<\/p>\n
Not an easy job. First of all, we\u2019re not educated to look into our minds. Second, we only notice we\u2019re angry, for example, when the words vomit out of the mouth; or that we\u2019re depressed when we can\u2019t get out of bed one morning. Third, even if we do look at our feelings, often we can\u2019t tell the difference between the positive and the negative: they\u2019re mixed together in a big soup of emotions \u2013 and a pur\u00e9ed soup at.<\/p>\n
And one of the biggest obstacles is that we don\u2019t think we can change them: they\u2019re so concrete, so real: \u201cI\u2019m born this way, what can I do about it?\u201d We so fiercely identify with the neuroses, believing that they\u2019re the real me. We even think they\u2019re physical. And anyway, who wants<\/em> to look into their mind? \u201cIt\u2019s not my fault, is it? I didn\u2019t ask to get born! This is how we all are! What am I<\/em> supposed to do about it?\u201d\nEverything conspires against our doing this job.<\/p>\n To give ourselves the confidence to even start, we need to think about how the negative states of mind are not at the core of our being, they do not define us, they are not innate, and thus can be removed. This flies in the face of our deeply held assumption \u2013 one that\u2019s reinforced by all contemporary models of the mind \u2013 that the positive and negative have equal status; that they\u2019re natural; they just are who we are. If you ask your therapist for methods to get rid of all anger, jealousy, attachment and the rest, they\u2019ll think you\u2019re insane! NEGATIVE STATES OF MIND ARE DISTURBING AND DELUSIONAL<\/strong> In other words, anger, attachment and the rest are concepts, wrong<\/em> concepts. It seems like a joke to say that these powerful emotions are based in thoughts, but that\u2019s because we only notice them when they roar up to the surface as emotion. \nPerhaps we can see the disturbing aspect of them, but rarely the delusional.\nThey are distorted assessments of the person or the event that we are attached to or angry with; they\u2019re elaborations, exaggerated stories, lies, misconceptions, fantasies, conceptual constructions, superstitions. As Rinpoche puts it, they decorate on top of what is already there layers upon layers of characteristics that are simply not there. Bad enough that we see things this way; the worst part is that we believe<\/em> that these stories are true. This is what keeps us locked inside our own personal insane asylum. Understanding this is the key to understanding our negative states of mind and, therefore, how to get rid of them.<\/p>\n EGO-GRASPING: THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM<\/strong> THE MAIN VOICE OF THE I IS ATTACHMENT<\/strong> This attachment, this desire, being a misconception, makes the mistake of believing, a million percent, that that delicious person, that gorgeous taste, that lovely smell, that nice feeling, that idea \u2013 that when I get that<\/em>, when I have it inside me, then I\u2019ll feel full, then I\u2019ll be content. That is what desire thinks. This is so hard to see how desire is deluded. And it is not meant to be a moralistic issue. As soon as we hear these words we feel a bit resentful, \u201cWhat do you mean \u2013 I\u2019m not allowed to have pleasure?\u201d That\u2019s how we feel. But as Lama Yeshe has pointed out: we\u2019re either completely hedonistic, and grasping and shoving everything in, or we\u2019re completely puritanical. And the irony is that they are both coming from a misunderstanding of desire; they both come from ego-grasping. OUR MIND MAKES IT UP<\/strong> There is<\/em> a cake there, but what we think is cake and what cake actually is are hugely different. This is interesting. And because this is hard to understand indicates how ancient it is within us. ATTACHMENT IS THE VOICE OF THE VICTIM<\/strong> ATTACHMENT IS NOT A FUNCTION OF THE SENSES<\/strong> The senses are like dumb animals. Our tongue doesn\u2019t experience the hunger for the cake, it doesn\u2019t leap out of our face and grab the cake desperately; even our hand doesn\u2019t, although it looks like it. The hand goes out to the cake, but not from its own side. So what does? It\u2019s propelled by the neurotic need to get the cake in the mouth. The mental consciousness, in other words. The thought. It is the story about what is chocolate cake, and I need chocolate cake, all the stuff about chocolate cake that is chattering away in the mind. That is where the delusions exist. WE ARE ALL JUNKIES<\/strong> ATTACHMENT TO A PERSON<\/strong> GOING BEYOND ENEMY, FRIEND, STRANGER<\/strong> WHAT IS ANGER AND WHAT IS ANGER NOT?<\/strong> PRACTICE IS PAINFUL<\/strong> This means we have to be facing our attachment every day, feeling the pain of it, seeing it. And then, the second we start to do that, somehow we become fulfilled, satisfied. That is what is interesting. When we start to give up being a junkie, we start to become happy. We begin to taste our own potential. As long as we continue to follow attachment, which is so deep, we will never be happy.<\/p>\n MIND IS INNATELY PURE<\/strong> The word \u201cBuddha\u201d or the word in Tibetan \u201csang-gye\u201d<\/em> for \u201cBud-dha,\u201d the first syllable, \u201csang\u201d<\/em> implies the complete removal of all the pollution, \u2013 all the nonsense, all the delusions and all the causes of suffering, all the ego-rubbish. And the syllable \u201cgye\u201d<\/em> \u2013 for \u201cdha,\u201d the second syllable \u2013 implies the complete development of all the goodness. And that goodness is the H2O that\u2019s at the core of our being. That\u2019s who we really are, Buddha says. And so our goal is to finally rid the mind of the pollution so what\u2019s left is all the goodness. That\u2019s it. That\u2019s Buddhahood. That\u2019s enlightenment. And it\u2019s a psychological thing, not some mystical thing in the sky. They also say there\u2019s no sense of a separate self \u2013 His Holiness mentioned this. There\u2019s no sense of subject\/object. Right now, we have a universe full of a trillion separate selves don\u2019t we? And occasionally we come together and are nice to each other. But that only goes so far. You understand my point. So when you realize emptiness, when you\u2019ve eradicated the lie of ignorance, and perfected that realization of emptiness, and cultivated the compassion wing, it\u2019s as if your sense of \u201cI\u201d is as big as the universe. You identify with every other living being. You do not have a sense of being separate. I know it sounds kind of cosmic, but it\u2019s the literal truth, they say.<\/p>\n BE AWARE OF YOUR MIND TO PREVENT CAUSING YOURSELF FUTURE PROBLEMS<\/strong> The wisdom in you and the skill in you and the kindness and the patience and the intelligence and the compassion and the love voices are arguing with the attachment and the anger and the depression and the jealousy, the low self-esteem voices, which at the moment run the show. So you\u2019re having this internal argument with yourself; you\u2019re being your own therapist, quite literally. It\u2019s a struggle, of course it is. My habit in my life was to say whatever I felt the moment I felt it. Even the first years of being a Buddhist, I didn\u2019t believe it was possible to change anger. It just takes time.<\/p>\n LEARN TO LIVE WITH THE CRAZY ROOMMATES IN OUR HEAD<\/strong> We\u2019ve got to start identifying with love and wisdom and kindness, and we\u2019ve got to learn to live with the crazy ones, not wish they\u2019d go away, not hate them, not want to kill ourselves because of it; but learn to know they\u2019re not permanent \u2013 they are there because we\u2019ve practiced them in the past, but they\u2019re not permanent and we can change. Then you\u2019re more brave; you learn to deal with all the rubbish and live with it every day knowing you can control it and change it. PRACTICE STARTS WITH MOTIVATION<\/strong> Practice is, in the beginning, every day, is motivation, motivation, motivation. I want to do this, I am aspiring to that. When we start every day, we wish \u201cMay I be useful, may I not shoot my mouth off to too many people\u201d etc. Even this is so profound. We have to value the thought, value the mind, it is so powerful. Like the Dalai Lama says, we are then on the right track for the rest of the day. Don\u2019t underestimate that. If we really got that, we would be so content, knowing we were sowing the seeds for future crops of happiness. It is like we had a big open field, and we are sowing seeds for the future. That\u2019s practice. That\u2019s how we start. We have to be facing our attachment every day, feeling the pain of it, seeing it. And then, the second we start to do that, somehow we become fulfilled, satisfied. That is what is interesting. When we start to give up being a junkie, we start to become happy. We begin to taste our own potential. As long as we continue to follow attachment, which is so deep, we will never be happy.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":5736,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[127],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5735","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-editoriale"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mindscienceacademy.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5735","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mindscienceacademy.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mindscienceacademy.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mindscienceacademy.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mindscienceacademy.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5735"}],"version-history":[{"count":13,"href":"https:\/\/www.mindscienceacademy.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5735\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5739,"href":"https:\/\/www.mindscienceacademy.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5735\/revisions\/5739"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mindscienceacademy.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5736"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mindscienceacademy.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5735"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mindscienceacademy.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5735"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mindscienceacademy.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5735"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nWe can be forgiven for thinking the negative, neurotic, unhappy emotions are at the core of our being: they certainly feel like it! We identify totally with them, follow them perfectly, truly believing this is who I really am. This is the irony of ego.<\/p>\n
\nSo, if the negative, neurotic emotions are the source of our pain and the positive ones the cause of our happines, then we\u2019d better learn to distinguish them. This is the very essence of the job our being our own therapist.
\nWhat are negative states of mind?
\nDisturbing<\/strong> - Even though we can see that anger is disturbing to oneself \u2013 just look at an angry person: they\u2019re out of their mind! \u2013 we fiercely live in denial of it; or we deflect it, so determined are we to believe that the external catalyst is the main problem. My friends on death row in Kentucky told me that they receive visits from an old Catholic man who, after thirty years of grief and rage after his daughter was murdered, finally realized that the main reason for his suffering wasn\u2019t his daughter\u2019s murder but his rage, his anger.
\nDelusional<\/strong> - The other characteristic that these unhappy states of mind possess is that they\u2019re delusional. We\u2019d be offended if someone accused of that, but that\u2019s exactly what Buddha is saying. The extent to which our minds are caught up in attachment, anger and the rest is the extent to which we are not in touch with reality. He\u2019s saying that we\u2019re all delusional, it\u2019s just a question of degree.
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\nAt the root of this, as Buddha calls it, is ignorance: marigpa<\/em> in Tibetan: unawareness: a fundamental unawareness of how we actually exist. The function of this \u201cego-grasping,\u201d as it\u2019s appropriately called, is to isolate and concretize this universe-big sense of self, a deluded sense of I, a totally fabricated sense of I, whose nature is fear: paranoid, dark, cut off, separate, alienated, and overwshelming.\nThis instinctive, pervasive sense of an independent, self-existent, real, solid, definite me-ness, totally pervades everything \u2013 there is not an instant when it is not there. It\u2019s at the deepest level of assumption, beneath everything. It is always there, informing everything we think and feel and say and do and experience \u2013 and the root even of existing in samsara in the first place.<\/p>\n
\nEgo-grasping is the root but the delusion that runs our lives is attachment. The irony of ego is we actually feel empty, bereft, and that neediness, that bottomless pit of yearning, that hunger: that\u2019s attachment. And it\u2019s the main voice of ego. From eons of practice we come into this life with a profound sense of dissatisfaction, neediness; a primordial sense that something is missing, of being bereft, lonely, cut off. It\u2019s just there, all the time<\/em>, in the bones of our being.
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\n Buddha is not being moralistic. He is not saying we should<\/em> not have pleasure \u2013 the reality is he is saying we should have masses of pleasure, joy, happiness, but naturally and appropriately, and, incredibly, without relying upon anything external. This is our natural state when we\u2019ve depolluted our minds of the neruoses, in fact.
\n Right now, because of the misconception that desire has, and because of the ignorance that drives it, we have got the wrong end of the stick. They think that the delicious chocolate cake, that gorgeous thing is out there<\/em>, vibrating deliciousness, demanding that I eat it \u2013 nothing coming from my side at all. As Lama Zopa Rinpoche points out, we don\u2019t think out mind plays any role at all. We think that it\u2019s all happening from the cake\u2019s side, all the energy is coming from the cake.
<\/p>\n
\nAnd the thing is that we don\u2019t see this process! The fact is we are making up the cake \u2013 attachment has written a huge story about cake and what it will do for us. It is a complex conceptual construction, an invention, an elaborate view, an interpretation, an opinion.
\nWe\u2019re like a child, as one lama said, who draws a lion \u2013 and then becomes afraid of it. We invent everything in our reality, and then we have all the fears and the paranoia and the depression and the grasping. We\u2019re too much!
\nBut we make up that cake, we make up the enemy \u2013 we made them up ourselves. This sounds pretty cosmic, but it is literally true. This doesn\u2019t mean there is no cake there \u2013 there is. And it doesn\u2019t mean that Fred didn\u2019t punch you \u2013 he did. We need to distinguish between the facts and the fiction: that\u2019s the tricky part.
\nIt is hard to see this, but this is the way delusions function. And basically they are liars. What attachment and ignorance are seeing is simply not true. What they\u2019re seeing simply does not exist.
<\/p>\n
\nWhat we\u2019re seeing or experiencing, what we are grasping at \u2013 delicious cake from its own side that will make me happy \u2013 is a total lie. It doesn\u2019t exist like that at all. There is<\/em> a cake there, it is<\/em> brown, it is<\/em> square: that\u2019s valid. And this is what\u2019s hard to distinguish \u2013 the facts and the fiction. What is actually there and what is not there. That is the job we need to do in knowing the way delusions work and therefore how to get rid of them and, finally, to see emptiness.<\/p>\n
\nAnother characteristic of attachment is that it is the voice of the victim. We truly feel we have no control \u2013 cake is this incredible powerful thing, and I just have to have it. What choice do I have? That is attachment talking.
Attachment gives all the power to the outside object. Which is why we feel like a baby. That\u2019s the victim mentality. And victim mentality, the one of hopelessness, the one of no control, that\u2019s the voice of attachment. Literally. That\u2019s exactly how attachment functions. Attachment is giving all the power to that object. It sees this truly delicious divine thing, which in reality our mind has made up, and then we believe it and then blame it.<\/p>\n
\n\u201cWe make the body the boss,\u201d as Lama Yeshe would tell us. We totally follow what the senses feel. We assume the delicious cake is an object of the senses \u2013 of course, it is; but what we think we see isn\u2019t what\u2019s there. What appears to the sense of sight, for example, is not a delicious cake but simply the shape and colour of the thing. \u201cDelicious cake\u201d is a story made up by the mental consciousness, specifically attachment. This is a crucial point.
\nLet\u2019s analyze. What is being experienced in relation to that cake? What are the states of mind? One of them is the senses indeed \u2013 we smell it in the kitchen, so there\u2019s our nose sense. Then there\u2019s the touch, the sight, we see the shape and color when it comes to the table; then we touch it, the hand feels it, then there\u2019s the taste consciousness, the one we\u2019re wanting the most. So four of the five senses are involved in the experience of that cake.<\/p>\n
Attachment is not a function of the taste. It is simply not possible. How can it be? Our tongue doesn\u2019t feel neurotic. Our tongue doesn\u2019t feel grasping, our tongue doesn\u2019t feel, \u201cI want to have more cake,\u201d and our tongue doesn\u2019t stop functioning when we give up attachment. It is just a doorway through which this bunch of thoughts, these concepts, this ego-grasping grasps at the experience, isn\u2019t it? That is all. So the senses do not experience attachment. It is a logical fact.<\/p>\n
\nSo of course for eons we have had the mistaken assumption that satisfying the senses is the way to get happiness. So right now, we are totally dependent on sensory objects. We are all junkies, it\u2019s just a question of degree. We can\u2019t imagine having pleasure unless we get that fix. That fix is any one of the objects of the five senses. Which makes it sound quite brutal.
\nBut unless we can start to look into this and cut through this whole way of working, we will never break free of suffering, we\u2019ll never becomes content, satisfied, fulfilled. Ever. Which is why, the basis of practice, the foundation of all realizations, is morality. Discipline. It means literally practicing control over the senses. And it is not a moralistic issue; It\u2019s a practical one. The aim is to get as happy as possible. This is the aim.
\nThis happiness, this pleasure, is not deluded. If pleasure were deluded, we might as well give up now. Pleasure, happiness, joy are totally appropriate.
\nSo where\u2019s the problem? Why do we suffer? Why are we frantic and anxious and desperate, fantasing about the cake before it\u2019s even there, then shoving two pieces in when it comes, and then being depressed when we eat too much? Why all this rubbish? Because we have these delusions. Suffering doesn\u2019t come from pleasure, it doesn\u2019t come from the senses. It comes from neuroses in the mental consciousness. But right now it\u2019s virtually impossible for us to have pleasure without attachment.<\/p>\n
\nIt\u2019s the same with people. Let\u2019s look at the person we are attached to, the person we are in love with \u2013 even more dramatic. Again, this soup of emotions, which we never analyze, never deconstruct.
\nI can say, \u201cI love you.\u201d That means I wish you to be happy. Totally appropriate. Unbelievable, virtuous. The more of this the better. We will only get happiness if we keep thinking that. \u201cI want you not to suffer,\u201d that\u2019s called compassion. Generosity, maybe you\u2019d like to give the person something. Generosity, in its nature is a virtue, necessarily the cause of happiness.
\nSo, love doesn\u2019t cause suffering, compassion doesn\u2019t cause suffering, the senses don\u2019t directly cause suffering, happiness can\u2019t possibly cause suffering \u2013 so what does? The cause of suffering is the attachment, first of all, the neurotic sense of an \u201cI,\u201d a hungry \u201cI\u201d that sees this person, grossly exaggerates their value to me, gives too much power, puts the power \u201cout there\u201d in that person, just like the cake, which implies that we are devaluing the power of ourself. We\u2019re giving all the power to this person, like it\u2019s all out there, this person, vibrating, so delicious, so gorgeous, this is exactly how it feels. So attachment is hungry and empty and bereft and lonely. And is completely convinced that having that person is going to make me happy.
\nWhat attachment does is exaggerate the beautiful qualities of the person, it is exaggerating our sense of an \u201cI\u201d that needs that person, because attachment thinks that if I don\u2019t get that person then I am not happy; because we don\u2019t believe we can be happy inside, we have to have an object. Attachment then starts to manipulate this person, expects massively that this person will give me happiness.
\nIt\u2019s the same with the person we loathe. We really believe that that person, from out there, from their own side, independently, definitely, is an awful person, as if ugliness is coursing in their veins along with their blood. We hear their name, it appears awful, we see their face, it appears awful. The discomfort in our mind is huge. We think the discomfort, the unhappiness, the hurt, the anger, the pain, we actually think and believe they are doing it to us.
\nBut it\u2019s a lie. It\u2019s our own anger that causes the person to look awful, the anger that makes us so miserable.<\/p>\n
\nUsually the only person we wish to be happy \u2013 that\u2019s the meaning of love \u2013 is the person we are attached to. And the only person we are attached to is the person we love. So we assume because they come together, they\u2019re the same thing. It is just not accurate. We need to start going beyond those limits, which is so scary. When we start practicing equanimity, we analyze: enemy, friend, and stranger \u2013 we try to cut through this narrow self-centred view of attachment, ignorance and aversion.
\nRight now we assume it is normal that when a person is mean to me, I don\u2019t like them. So we call them enemies. And we assume it is normal that when a person is nice to me, we call them friend. And when a person is doing neither, they are called stranger. That\u2019s the reality of the entire universe, isn\u2019t it? We need to go beyond this one.<\/p>\n
\nA perfect question. And the perfect answer, which I heard from a lama, is: \u201cAnger is the response when attachment doesn\u2019t get what it wants.\u201d Attachment and aversion are utterly linked. Being a fantasy, attachment is not sustainable; the bubble has to burst, and it has nowhere to go but aversion (or ignorance, which manifests as boredom, indifference, uncaring).
\nIn our never-ending efforts to keep the panic at bay, we hungrily seek the right sounds, smells, tastes, feelings, thoughts, words, but the split second we don\u2019t get them, aversion arises, exploding outwards as anger or imploding inwards as depression, guilt, hopelessness, self-hate.
\nWe have a lot of misunderstanding about what anger is. So, what is it not?
\nAnger is not physical<\/strong> - Anger is part of our mind, and our mind is not physical. It exists in dependence upon the brain, the genes, the chemical reactions, but is not these things.
\nWhen anger\u2019s strong, it triggers huge physical symptoms: the blood boils, the heart beats fast, the spit comes out the mouth, the eyes open wide in panic, the voice shouts. Or if we experience aversion as depression, the body feels like a lead weight; there\u2019s no energy, a terrible inertia. And then, when we boost our seratonin, the body feels good again.
\nBut these are just gross expressions of what, finally, is purely thought: a story made up by our conceptual mind that exaggerates the ugly aspects of the person or event or oneself.
\nRecent findings prove what is explained in Tibetan Medicine: that what goes on in the mind affects the body.
\nAnger is not someone else\u2019s fault<\/strong> - This doesn\u2019t mean that the person didn\u2019t punch me; sure they did. And it doesn\u2019t mean that punching me is not bad; sure it is. But the person didn\u2019t make me angry. The punch is merely the catalyst for my anger, a tendency in my mind. If there were no anger, all I\u2019d get is a broken nose.
\nAnger does not come from our parents<\/strong> - We love to blame our parents! Actually, if Buddha is wrong in his assertion that our mind comes from previous lives and is propelled by the force of our own past actions into our mother\u2019s womb; and if the materialists are right in asserting that our parents created us, then we should<\/em> blame them. How dare they create me, like Frankenstein and his monster, giving me anger and jealousy and the rest! But they didn\u2019t, Buddha says. (Nor did a superior being \u2013 but we dare not blame him!). They gave us a body; the rest is ours (including our good qualities).
\nAnger is not only the shouting<\/strong> - Just because a person doesn\u2019t shout and yell doesn\u2019t mean they\u2019re not angry. When we understand that anger is based on the thought called aversion, then we can see we are all angry. Of course, if we never look inside, we won\u2019t notice the aversion; that\u2019s why people who don\u2019t express anger experience it as depression or guilt.
\nAnger is not necessary for compassionate action<\/strong> - His Holiness the Dalai Lama responded to an interviewer who suggested that anger seems to act as a motivator for action, \u201cI know what you mean. But with anger, your wish to help doesn\u2019t last. With compassion, you never give up\u201d.
\nWe need to discriminate between good and bad, but Buddha says that we should criticize the action, not the person. As Martin Luther King said, it\u2019s okay to find fault \u2013 but then we should think, \u201cWhat can I do about it?\u201d. \nIt\u2019s exactly the same with seeing our own faults, but instead of feeling guilty we should think, \u201cWhat can I do about it?\u201d Then we can change. Anger and guilt are paralyzed, impotent, useless.
\nAnger is not natural<\/strong> - Often we think we need anger in order to be a reasonable human being; that it\u2019s unnatural not to have it; that it gives perspective to life. It\u2019s a bit like thinking that in order to appreciate pleasure we need to know pain. But that\u2019s obviously ridiculous: for me to appreciate your kindness, you first need to punch me in the nose?
\nAnger is not at the core of our being<\/strong> - Being a delusional state of mind, a lie, a misconception, it\u2019s logical that anger can be eliminated. If I think there are two cups on my table, whereas there is only one, that\u2019s a misconception. What to do with the thought \u201cthere are two cups on my table\u201d? Remove it from my mind! Recognize that there is one cup and stop believing the lie. Simple.
\nOf course, the lies that believe that I\u2019m self-existent, that delicious objects make me happy, that ugly ones make me suffer, that my mind is my brain, that someone else created me \u2013 these<\/em> lies have been in my mind since beginningless time. But the method for getting rid of them is the same. \nWhat\u2019s left when we\u2019ve removed the lies, the delusions, is the truth of our own innate goodness, fully perfected. That is what\u2019s natural.
<\/p>\n
\nReal practice is painful \u2013 real practice. Until it is painful, it is not practice, we\u2019re just playing safe. We\u2019re just keeping our nice comfort zone. Practice has to threaten something \u2013 it has to feel painful. Just like when we are overweight, we decide we are going to get thin and beautiful, and we start doing push-ups. It has to be painful at first. We know that if the second we start feeling pain from doing pushups we stop, we will never benefit from doing them. We can always pretend \u201cOh I did my pushups this morning,\u201d but if the second they started being painful, we stopped, we know that if our muscles don\u2019t hurt, they will never get strong \u2013 it is logic. Giving up attachment is like that \u2013 it has to be painful.
\nUntil then, we are just being in our comfort zone \u2013 we\u2019re playing safe, thinking that being spiritual means smiling and being holy and having a pleasant manner. It is just not so. Until we stretch, until we go beyond our limits, we won\u2019t get better at doing anything. We really get our body strong when we go beyond our limits every day. How do we become an accomplished pianist or anything? We have to go beyond our limits. That\u2019s what spiritual practice is \u2013 we have to stretch our limits.<\/p>\n
\nBuddha says that our mind is innately pure. There\u2019s some real logic to this, you know. But one has to think about all this. The fundamental nature of our mind is pure. Which doesn\u2019t mean we were pure once and lost the plot, like Adam and Eve. Not like that. I like to put it this way: that what we think of when we say \u201cwater,\u201d we know we mean by \u201cwater\u201d this pure, clear stuff, isn\u2019t it \u2013 two bits of H and one bit of O. It\u2019s just naturally pure, isn\u2019t it? But we know it can be polluted. Right?
\nWell, if you like, you could say actually that the H2O of our mind is simply goodness \u2013 compassion, wisdom, joy, love, generosity, and the rest: they are the substance of our mind. And the delusions, which are the voices of ego, are the pollution. And that\u2019s what causes all the pain, all the suffering, all the dramas, all these separate me\u2019s all fighting for our spaces.<\/p>\n
\nAnd it\u2019s linked to reality. This is the point. The wisdom and compassion completely have to come together. Because when you\u2019ve fully accomplished the compassion wing, you have to have accomplished the wisdom wing, which eradicated all the misconceptions, all the voices of ego, all the ignorance, all the anger, all the jealousy, all the pride. All the pollution is gone completely so your mind is in sync with the universe, quite literally.<\/p>\n
\nFirst we have to control our body and speech. If you\u2019ve got strong attachment to alcohol, we all know perfectly well you can\u2019t possibly give up attachment while you keep drinking alcohol. So you want to back away from the object.
\nSo we can see, the very first level is you control the physical. You keep yourself out of the way of people who make you very angry. You keep out of the way of things that make your attachment berserk. I mean we don\u2019t even understand this in our culture. Look at ordinary relationships. I just think our romantic notions are so ridiculous. You assume you\u2019re supposed to marry somebody, go live in the same bed in the same house for the rest of your life with this person. The biggest number of murders are domestic. I mean I\u2019m not surprised.
\nIt\u2019s too much to expect of ordinary people with anger and attachment and jealousy to live in the same bed and the same room in the same small house and not expect problems! We just think, \u201cOh, I\u2019m a bad person, I fight with my husband, I\u2019m supposed to love him\u201d.
\nIf ordinary people realized: I\u2019ve got attachment, I\u2019m angry, I\u2019m going to get married, yes, but let\u2019s have two separate rooms. Who would think that? You\u2019d get divorced straight away because, \u201cYou don\u2019t love me, dear!\u201d
\nBut it\u2019s common sense that you\u2019d be more aware of your mind in that situation; you\u2019d have more space. You\u2019d be aware of your danger areas, and you\u2019d protect yourself from problems.
\nAt the first level of practice you learn to be aware, and you control the physical environment. This is already so mature. It\u2019s unbelievable. Most of the problems on earth would not exist if we could all do this. Then, once you\u2019ve harnessed your body and speech \u2013 and that\u2019s where all the vows are at the very first level \u2013 you take vows not to lie, steal, bad-mouth, run around with somebody else\u2019s partner, and vows are very powerful \u2013 this helps you enormously. Just control your body and speech. And the reason \u2013 in the very first level of Buddhist practice \u2013 the reason to control your body and speech is not because \u201cBuddha says so.\u201d It\u2019s not because you\u2019re supposed to be a good person. It\u2019s because killing and lying and sexual misconduct harm you<\/em>.
\nSo, it\u2019s like you see this is the first level of controlling yourself. Control your body and speech. Now you can go to high school, now you can be your own therapist; you can learn concentration meditation and you can begin to develop this amazing<\/em> skill to see this insane asylum in your own head that\u2019s usually controlling your body and speech.
\nAnd that\u2019s where you really become a Buddhist. You become your own therapist. You get some concentration, you step back from the chaos. You\u2019re seeing the thoughts and feelings and emotions. You\u2019re identifying what they are. It\u2019s a super-sophisticated job to do, you know? I mean, even Western psychology says there\u2019s a thousand thoughts a second. That\u2019s what Buddha\u2019s saying\u2026 We don\u2019t notice our thoughts now until they\u2019re completely screaming out loud.
\nBut to be able to step back and develop this introspective technique, and step back from your mind so you can begin to hear the chaos, and slowly start to unravel it, and begin to put words to the voices, and then, then \u2013 the skill to actually argue with ego\u2019s crazy voices \u2013 and your wisdom will argue with them \u2013 this is where you do the reconstructing. So, it\u2019s a really full-on job, you know. This is the day-to-day job.
<\/p>\n
\nSo you\u2019ve got to be really courageous, because one of the first consequences of beginning to practice, to look at our minds, is you think you\u2019re getting worse. But you\u2019re not getting worse; you\u2019re just seeing the chaos for the first time. And this is a good sign. And we can\u2019t even cope with this; we can\u2019t cope with seeing any negativity \u2013 we want to go kill ourselves, you know.
\nSo part of this process \u2013 a crucial part \u2013 is that we\u2019ve got to learn to live with this. We\u2019ve got all these crazy roommates; one\u2019s called anger, one\u2019s jealousy, one\u2019s depression, one\u2019s low self-esteem, and there are about a thousand variations of each one. Up until now we\u2019ve identified with these crazy roommates; we\u2019ve believed that this is who I really am.<\/p>\n
\nBecause our attachment just wants it all to be nice; you think, \u201cOh, I\u2019m a spiritual practitioner, I should be good now.\u201d We\u2019ve got to be courageous and see them all, as one of my friends, a therapist, says, \u201cIt\u2019s having your hands in your own s*it.\u201d I prefer to call it \u201ctasting your own vo**t.\u201d It is that. It is that, actually. So you\u2019ve got to really be courageous.<\/p>\n
\nSo how to begin? It all comes from motivation. We can start the day by deciding we will begin, be very courageous. It starts from the thought. We tend in the West to dismiss thoughts. We say, \u201cIt\u2019s only in the mind\u201d, we give no value to the mind, even though we are caught in it. We give no value to just thought.
\nThe point is, that if we really understand this fundamental, and easily provable, truth that every thought programs us into what we will become, we would be so happy to have positive thoughts, and be content with them. Because of two things; first, everything that we do comes from the thought that we think. If I am going to get up and walk out the door, what is the first thing that has to happen? My legs don\u2019t just jump up and walk out, my mind has to say \u201cI want to walk out that door. So what does that mean? How do we walk out a door? The first thing is to think \u201cI want to walk out that door\u201d.
\nSo every day, you\u2019re saying \u201cI want to be compassionate, I want to be beneficial.\u201d You\u2019re aspiring, and then you\u2019ll act. It is no mystery. That\u2019s how we become pianists, footballers, a cook \u2013 or a happy, beneficial person. It starts with the thought, the motivation, the aspiration.
\nSo we just start our practice with powerful sincere motivations. We are sincere, after all; we do want to be these things, loving, compassionate, etc. Genuinely wanting, seeing the reasonableness of having a compassionate thought, seeing the reasonableness of turning around a negative thought. Not thinking that thought doesn\u2019t matter. What we are is the product of our thoughts. It is simply a fact. This is what karma is saying. No one else made us into anything, we made yourself. As Lama Zopa says, we can mould our mind into any shape we wish.<\/p>\n
\nWe shouldn\u2019t fret, \u201cI\u2019m hopeless, I\u2019m useless\u201d. We are too concrete in our thinking. So we start with the motivation, start with the thoughts, and we go into the day, and bring that awareness with us. Watch our mind, be careful of the rubbish, try not to shoot our mouth off too much, try to be a bit useful, rejoice in the good stuff.
\n
\nAt the end of the day, we look back, we regret our mistakes and rejoice in our efforts, and then go to bed with a happy mind. That\u2019s one day of practice. One day at a time. It is organic, and it\u2019s humble. We start one day at a time, and slowly, something develops.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"